I have to take a moment as a parent to rant about this universal issue. I find it amazing just how many things kids can think of to do other than the thing they’re supposed to do but don’t want to. Like go to bed for example. The mysterious ailments that suddenly need immediate medical attention, the burning questions that just can’t wait, and my all-time favorite of course the good ole “I can’t sleep” . I think it’s rather amusing to say the least that kids actually think we would believe such ridiculousness.  It’s truly remarkable. I read you a story, massaged your little hands and feet, sang you at least 3 songs, you peed 5 times, blew your nose 4 times, took 20 min to go #2, had 3 nightmares, asked 10 questions, NOW GO TO SLEEP DAMMIT!! haha Ugh…

This personality quiz will tell you what kind of egg you would be. What type of egg are you? I’m apparently not an egg at all, but a potato? So confused…What are you? Find out here!

“You again! You are a potato!!! You are not an egg, and cannot be compared to an egg in anyway. You are too obviously a potato. I’m sorry but this quiz is to find out what kind of egg you are, and that is obviously not possible. ”

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I’m beginning to think that the internet is sort of like an artificial system of telepathy. I wonder if I were to stop signing on literally and just sign on telepathically, if I would still get the messages. I’m gonna give it a try. I’m uber curious.

I just saw “The Yes Man” It was awesome. It also reminded me of this. YES!

Morning wood:

“She’s still wet. Touch her. Explore her.”

*silence*

“You have really nice vaginal walls”

“Haha. Thanks. But what constitutes nice vaginal walls exactly lol?”

” You know, they’re nicely toned, tight, smooth. I was with a girl once and
I could tell as soon as I was inside of her that she didn’t have good vaginal walls. I pulled out immediately.
I think she was sorta angry, but hey, I have very high standards when it comes to vagina.”

LOL I love great morning conversation. It just makes my day. Apparently I have great vaginal walls by comparison at least. I’m not super familiar with the standards by which to measure the greatness or not so greatness of vagina, but judging by patrons comments past and present, I’m making some pretty great marks. I really wish I had payed more attention to the vaginas I’ve had the pleasure of meeting all of these years. I must say I now have a peaked curiosity about the varied structure and composition of different kinds of vaginas. I would like to meet some more. Have tea perhaps, talk about politics, compare and contrast vaginas that speak different languages. Its a very interesting subject. I wonder if there is a field of research study called vaginatology.

I would love to be a vaginatologist. I could study the climate, the weather changes, its likes and dislikes. The amount of rainfall, what causes might lead to drought, or flash floods for that matter.

I’m gonna look into that.

I am quite amused that so many Google searches are happening for the word vagina. Do people really just Google vagina all day? I mean I have to assume that the kind of person who would actually Google vagina would be in the demographic of somewhere around 12-14 year old boys. Maybe I’m wrong. I certainly hope so. Because if it turns out that Read the rest of this entry »

And “apparently Jesus is black”? Wtf? Does he mean Jack Black? Bad joke. Very bad.

If only someone told me at that age that at some point pussy would control my life, I wonder if I would be a different person today. We’ve all been there. Don’t front. There is always that one woman that has it so good it takes you months to get away even though the relationship failed long before. Or maybe it’s the girl who was supposed to be a one night stand that turned into a half a year or more of one night stands. You know what I’m talking about. I can see you smiling.

I will tell you right now though. IT’S A TRAP! If you see this happening to you, run for your life. Women are way too emotional for sex to be “just sex”. It might be the first couple of times, but then someone will almost always fall in love. What they don’t realize is that they are really just in love with the good lovin’. If they could have just kept it simple, the good lovin’ could continue. Now instead, you have a dilemma on your hands. One girl wants the sex but not the relationship and the other wants more than just sex.

This is where things can get extra complicated because even though the girl who is in love wants more than just sex, it is now a weapon. She gives it up more. She ups her game. She does things you’ve always fantasized about. Catering to your every sexual desire. She keeps you coming back for more. And you are now a victim of pussy control.

You know on some level that this broad is bad for you but you are addicted to a new level of sensual experiences. You do your best to make the “relationship” work, but in reality the only thing that is working is the sex. You may even meet a new girl that is amazing in every way, but you can’t make a move knowing that if it doesn’t work out you’ve lost out on what you have labeled “the best sex ever”. If this is happening to you right now, you may be an addict and victim of pussy control and may need to seek professional help. Immediately. Walk away and don’t look back.

I’m serious about this. Take a chance. Let it go. Make a move on that new girl that enthralls you in every way. Because I guarantee that she is not gonna wait around for you to get your head out of pussy land long enough to realize that the “great sex” is not worth losing out an a great relationship.

So in conclusion, though it seems like the most amazing sex you’ve ever had, watch out that it’s not just pussy control. Because the only outcome that can possibly occur in the end are a bunch of broken hearts and no one getting what they really wanted in the first place. Falling prey to pussy control= a lose-lose-lose situation.

May you and your loved ones be armed with the clarity of sight to stay miles away from pussy control this holiday season. And forever.

-Natty B.