It’s been almost 4 months since my last entry. Obviously, I didn’t quit then or I would have had more to say about the subject. I never let go of the thought that I still wanted to quit, someday. Today, is day 2 of a forced cessation period. See my purse got stolen last week. No cash, no cards, not even any change! Since I’m in another country, it’s probably going to be another 2 weeks minimum before I can get access to any money. Needless to say, the last of the cigarettes I had ran out night before last. It is not a question of whether I can do it or not, quit that is. It’s really a question of wanting to.

Why am I so attached to the notion of smoking?

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Thought I’d start off with my first post being an actual written post, I have a lot on my mind today.  First of all being a whole focus on “body concept” but then again, my mind doesn’t stay on one topic for too long. So I might just mesh a bunch of topics in here.

I mean seriously, who in their right mind would find a skeleton attractive? And that’s what is being displayed on the runways of Paris, Milan, etc… It’s giving us regular girls a complex, saying it’s cool to look emaciated. But it’s not.  It’s breeding a whole new
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Who isn’t tapped out? We work too hard. Play too hard. Drink WAY too much caffeine. Then what? Our Kidney energy gets depleted. Why is Kidney energy important? Well because basically, it is the source of our life energy. We get other energy from the foods we eat. But the Kidney energy can sort of be called the body’s life… Read the rest of this entry »

Day 1 9:01 am

Smoking has been my comfort, my best-friend, my good time companion and my bad time buddy. It’s been with me through 4 cities, 2 countries, 18 moves, and 3 major break-ups. It’s been with me through thick and through thin. It’s the reason I’ve met certain people and or became closer to them. It really has made it’s place in almost every single part of my existence. It has been my longest relationship. For the last 9, almost 10 years I’ve known my addiction better than I’ve known myself. My life revolved around my next drag.

These days I’ve grown tired of the relationship I have with Nikki. She’s no good for me. There is not a single reason I can think of to keep her around. And still, the journey to let her go completely has been a major process of self-examination, self-control, and self-realization. Because see smoking isn’t just about smoking. In all actuality quitting is not difficult at all once we really decide to do it. I’ve quit before. The moment I found out I was pregnant with my daughter 7 years ago, quit no problemo. No cravings, no issues, nada. There is always something underlying our addictions. We are running from something, hiding something from ourselves, deluding ourselves. Whatever it is, I intend to find it. And I intend to share my journey in hopes that you may choose one day to take this journey yourself whatever your addiction may be.

See we all have something. We are all familiar with what people consider “real” addictions to drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, etc… A lot of people think they are somehow above the addiction cycle because they are not drug addicts. The truth is, there are a lot more addictions out there that can be as destructive that do not get recognized. Some are addicted to falling in love. Some are addicted to drama. Some of you are TV addicts or internet chat room addicts. Some of you are addicted to being miserable. Whatever it is, if it’s destructive in anyway and you can’t seem to stop, it’s an addiction.

Here’s to unraveling the general neurosis plaguing the human spirit. I will be free. And I will show you how to be free too. I have no idea where this is going to take me, where this path will lead. I’m gonna get real honest, raw, vulnerable. Why? Because I know I’m not the only one who feels what I feel. I have the courage to look inside myself. Am I scared? Hell yeah. Terrified. Here’s to success!

Enjoy the ride.

-Natty B.