Recently my counselor told me that she doesn’t believe that I am really a lesbian. She thinks I just have issues with men. On the other hand, she told my ex-girlfriend the very same thing. I have a sneaking suspision that it is due to the fact that we are both “lipstick” lesbians. Then again, maybe she really knows the difference. Regardless, it has left me with some questions in my mind. I have considered her viewpoint that I may indeed NOT be a lesbian, but it leaves me quite in a panic and in a severe identity crisis. Read the rest of this entry »

Part 2: Meeting Rachel

It was dance competition season, and Anna and I arrived early at the auditorium that Sunday morning. The first categories of the day consisted of solos, duos, and trios. I was going to be performing a solo that Anna had choreographed for me that year.  “Cruel” by Tori Amos was my choice of music. The forest green dress I wore was my own design. It had only one strap, a cut out oval that exposed half of my midriff and half of my back, complete with slits up the front of each leg that reached my hips. Underneath, I wore briefs, no tights, and bare feet. My hair was halfway twisted, my make-up fierce. It was all very exotic and unduly sexy, though it had never occurred to me it might get me noticed. Read the rest of this entry »

Part 1: Preamble

I was sixteen years old and a junior in high school. I was a typical “straight” female teenager. I would sneak off after school to my 19year old “fuck” buddy’s house for a quickie before teaching preschoolers how to do somersaults and ballet.  I did that quite often actually. Not that the sex was ever really that great, because it wasn’t. Not even with his roommate, or his best friend. I’m not sure what I was looking for in those early sexual encounters, but sexually satisfied I definitely was not. I had always wondered if there was something wrong with me. My best friend Mary was ecstatically enjoying her sex life with boys. I couldn’t understand what all the hype was about. Frankly, I was bored out of my mind.  After several months of meaningless, less than mediocre sex with those boys,  I gave up on my quest for the elusive ecstasy I was previously so hopeful to find. Luckily for me, I was a dancer and that served as a sufficient outlet for my pent up sexual urges. Read the rest of this entry »