Just be yourself. Whoever you might be in each given moment. However often it changes or unstable it may seem. Anyone that deserves your love, will still love you. In every perfect moment, and in every insane one as well. And there is no better way to come back to center than to allow yourself to feel whatever you feel and be whomever you are at this moment.

When you are true to yourself, everything seems to just fall into place.

If only someone told me at that age that at some point pussy would control my life, I wonder if I would be a different person today. We’ve all been there. Don’t front. There is always that one woman that has it so good it takes you months to get away even though the relationship failed long before. Or maybe it’s the girl who was supposed to be a one night stand that turned into a half a year or more of one night stands. You know what I’m talking about. I can see you smiling.

I will tell you right now though. IT’S A TRAP! If you see this happening to you, run for your life. Women are way too emotional for sex to be “just sex”. It might be the first couple of times, but then someone will almost always fall in love. What they don’t realize is that they are really just in love with the good lovin’. If they could have just kept it simple, the good lovin’ could continue. Now instead, you have a dilemma on your hands. One girl wants the sex but not the relationship and the other wants more than just sex.

This is where things can get extra complicated because even though the girl who is in love wants more than just sex, it is now a weapon. She gives it up more. She ups her game. She does things you’ve always fantasized about. Catering to your every sexual desire. She keeps you coming back for more. And you are now a victim of pussy control.

You know on some level that this broad is bad for you but you are addicted to a new level of sensual experiences. You do your best to make the “relationship” work, but in reality the only thing that is working is the sex. You may even meet a new girl that is amazing in every way, but you can’t make a move knowing that if it doesn’t work out you’ve lost out on what you have labeled “the best sex ever”. If this is happening to you right now, you may be an addict and victim of pussy control and may need to seek professional help. Immediately. Walk away and don’t look back.

I’m serious about this. Take a chance. Let it go. Make a move on that new girl that enthralls you in every way. Because I guarantee that she is not gonna wait around for you to get your head out of pussy land long enough to realize that the “great sex” is not worth losing out an a great relationship.

So in conclusion, though it seems like the most amazing sex you’ve ever had, watch out that it’s not just pussy control. Because the only outcome that can possibly occur in the end are a bunch of broken hearts and no one getting what they really wanted in the first place. Falling prey to pussy control= a lose-lose-lose situation.

May you and your loved ones be armed with the clarity of sight to stay miles away from pussy control this holiday season. And forever.

-Natty B.

You can pretend only to a point. Truth always triumphs. Better to just recognize truth for truth from the start.

When you’ve done all you can, all there is left to do is surrender and let the chips fall where they may.

There is a tendency to regret the most, not what you’ve done, but the things you didn’t.

In heterosexual relationships, there is a clearly defined progression of stages of a relationship. You meet. You date. You decide to date exclusively. If the relationship continues, there is an engagement period followed by marriage. Living together is a decision that typically falls between the dating exclusively phase and marriage. Because as lesbians we are raised with this model of relating, but are not allowed to officially marry, the lines are often blurred for us as couples. Lesbians can consider themselves in an exclusive relationship within a matter of weeks, and in a matter of months are living together.

How soon is too soon? According to Clunis and Green, “In the absence of other rituals, [like those in hetero relationships] for lesbians sex can become the sacrament and living together the marriage vows.” (Couples 21)

With that thought in mind, it seems necessary that we take the decision to move in together a lot more seriously than we ever have before. Too often the decision to move in becomes more of a practical matter. Say one woman needs a roommate, so they decide to move in together largely as a matter of convenience and economic advantage. Even if the two do not completely merge their households as two “married” women would, they find the relationship quickly taking on a more serious level of commitment. Usually more so for one woman than the other. Not to say that this is a bad thing, only that caution and consideration should replace a typically non-nonchalant decision making process.

What happens too often in lesbian relationships is that there is strong desire to know whether or not the relationship has long term potential. Before two women really get to know each other, they allow the strong feelings of the “falling in love” stage to sweep them into cohabiting. What seems like a natural progression and desire to be as close as possible, in general, is happening too fast to build the solid foundation necessary to really make it work.

Living together is a serious choice when it comes to lesbian couples. It is equated with a long-term commitment such as marriage. Unfortunately, most women do not even realize this until after the decision has already been made. They find themselves “married” without having consciously decided to make that choice. For some it works. For others, especially if there are children involved, the lack of deliberate decision making can have devastating effects.

Advise? Clunis and Green say ” Our primary suggestion for lesbians in the romance stage is to slow down. Get to know the other person and be clear about wants and expectations.”

So, if you are thinking about moving in with someone, have a serious conversation about where the relationship is heading. Make sure you are both clear about each other’s expectations of what living together actually means. Be realistic and honest. The excitement of new love can make this difficult at times. In the long run however, putting everything on the table BEFORE moving in sets the stage for a healthier relationship once the excitement fades.

If you already are living with someone, it’s still important to open communication. If you haven’t discussed it already, really get clear about what each of you wants. Be open to the fact that the decision to live together may not have been based upon a conscious decision for a long-term commitment. Be honest with yourselves and each other.

So when is the right time to move in? Well, the answer to that is fluid. In general, it is a good idea to get past the “falling in love” phase of a relationship so that you understand your partner is human with flaws and all. No one can tell you what’s right. Only you know the answer to that question in your heart of hearts. Whatever you ultimately decide, I bless you to have an amazing journey!

Honesty is really the best policy. Put it all on the table. Show me yours and I’ll show you mine. That way everyone can make real choices. It may not be the most comfortable thing to do. Truth hurts. Everyone knows this. What people don’t know is how much not telling the truth hurts in the long run.

Not coming off like a complete and total waste of time to someone you think is attractive is a lot easier if you aren’t so wasted.

If you are cranky, moody, bitchy, ridiculously emotional…etc Get a good night’s sleep. Seriously. I know it sounds too simple, but sometimes we get to doing so many things that we forget we do actually need to rest. We end up like a two year old kid having the meltdown of the century just because we broke a cookie. So if you find yourself in such a mood, ie. wanting to throw the entire computer across a room because the internet is slower than usual, or crying for absolutely no reason, drink some herbal tea, turn on your favorite music, or whatever else you LOVE to do and chill the hell out. When you’re completely relaxed then go to bed. It will change your entire life. I promise.