The night is alive and I feel the electricity crackling through my veins
Senses are heightened as the cool breeze sweetly fondles my quivering skin
Lips craving the gentle suckling of sensuous seduction
as I imagine what it would be like to make love to the music
dripping from the beauty of the stars.
I reach out into the deepening darkness… Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve breathed you in deeply, almost too deeply
and now I must resist the urge to side step
the carefully constructed line between.
Intensely pacing at the edge
Fingering the short distance…
I have come to the conclusion that
you are absolutely ridiculous.
Or at least blind.
Do you have any idea how many would have killed to be in your place?
Do you have any idea how many still wish they could be you for just a moment?
To know what it feels like to have my love showered upon them?
To have been given the opportunity to experience what I have offered you?
To feel for a moment the possibility of what you and I could have had?
It is the thing that little girls dream of.
It is the thing that fairy tales are made of.
True magic.
Real love.
Pure love.
Passionate peaceful free to be who you are love.
Ego? Oh no my darling. Truth. You already know this.
That’s what makes me so crazy.
Go ahead.
Keep trying to make something that isn’t quite right right.
It will fall apart, guaranteed.
And I will be long gone.
One day you will realize the games that you have played
have only hurt yourself.
You whom I thought so worthy, turned out to be so much less than that.
Not by nature of who you are
but who you refuse to be.
Frightened, scared?
Who knows. Only you know those answers.
I have to admit, I am angry.
I cannot lie about that.
You asked for me.
You wanted me.
It was you all along.
Yet, you put the blame on me.
Pretended it wasn’t what you needed, or what you aspire to.
Tried to have me and her.
All at your convenience.
Playing me like I was stupid.
Friends? We could never be friends.
Not now at least.
I am not as good as you are at
ignoring what I feel.
Either you lied to me in the beginning
or you are lying to yourself now.
At worst you just wanted me to want you.
The trophy that so many covet.
Using me for my light.
The ultimate ego boost.
I’m gorgeous and phenomenal
duly noted.
There shouldn’t be any more left to say.
There shouldn’t be anything else left to want.
You don’t feel like you ever mislead me or was flirtatious?
Oh no darling, it was so much deeper than that.
On a level perceptible to everyone but you.
Countless people perceive our connection, even now.
Complete strangers angel who have no idea we have even shared the
same space or spent so much time believe you and I should be together.
Do you have any idea what that does to my heart to hear that?
The absolute randomness.
It’s like a knife driven inside an already open wound.
Maybe I’m crazy.
But I know that is entirely not possible.
I know that I will not walk on eggshells around you anymore.
I have chosen to speak my truth.
I have chosen to acknowledge what intuition
has screamed at me from the first moment
we breathed the same breath.
You portrayed yourself to be something you are not.
I fell for your games.
But I see clearly now.
You lack the courage like so many others
to live a life of truth.
So wrapped up in your games you can’t even remember
which ones you are playing.
Mistaking lies for truth and truth for lies.
You say one thing.
Oh but your actions speak so much louder.
I know your hidden gifts.
You come to me in my dreams.
But in reality, you’ve never felt worthy.
You ran away.
Chose something easy and “safe”
but ultimately unfulfilling.
Lacking true depth and connection.
She doesn’t know you like I know you.
Otherwise you wouldn’t need me at all.
You wouldn’t have wanted to be “cool friends”
You wouldn’t have wanted me so close to you for the holidays.
Or you just used me to fill a space?
Or you were hoping to create a “relationship” in a safe space
within the context of the required “we’re just friends zone”?
An illusion that you have created
will inevitably dissolve and what will you have left?
Opportunities like this do not last long.
They are presented for but an instant.
Angels come and go in a blink of an eye.
We must be ready for them when they come.
They are sent to us because we ask for them
but it is ultimately our free will to accept the gift or not.
I pity you actually.
Just like I have all of the others.
And all the others regret their decisions
but it was too late for them.
They realized too late.
You lost the one thing you’ve ever truly wanted.
And the worst part is I don’t think you even realize it.
Or you choose not to admit it.
You wouldn’t be the first.
But you will be the last.
And all I’ve ever wanted was for you
to speak the truth.
The real truth.
But maybe you have not yet spoken it to yourself.
Perhaps one day you can open up and tell me your version of this
sorted tale.
All I have is my side of the story.
My perceptions.
My interpretations.
I just hope it doesn’t take years like all of the others.
It’s not that I have more emotions than you. Or feel differently than you do.
It’s that I allow what I feel to come to the surface.
To spill over and paint my personality.
You may think me insane due to my ever changing mind scapes.
Coloring different moods, genres, fascinations, obsessions.
But you are the same as I.
My intensity is the intensity of what you hold inwardly.
I cannot hold such things in any longer.
The pressure is too much.
Perhaps you are the stronger one.
To be able to hold all that you feel inside.
Not expressing.
Suppressing.
Holding onto things because in order to release them you would have to feel them.
No thanks. That is certainly not for me.
So go ahead. Call me insane, with my ever changing mind scapes.
All of my different moods & genres, my fascinations, my obsessions.
You are me, and I am you.
I am absolutely and completely losing my mind.
But that’s the point. Lose your mind, and gain your heart.
I am completely in my own little world.
When you are ready to join me, you will find me.
You will know the bliss I feel.
You will know that it is not worth holding back.
You will be free.
Perfectly expressing you. Perfectly reflecting me…
Wanted: A skilled conversationalist
To engage me in an exchange of words that will actually make me think.
Break the surface of this seemingly shallow world of emotionless words.
Paint a picture so perfectly I can feel it, taste it.
Penetrate me with your thoughts so deeply
I could never ask for anything more…
Pushed to the edge of my sexual experimentation
I find myself craving the uncharted territory of your milky white skin
Call me obsessed
Call me bored
Call me whatever you’d like
It wouldn’t change the curiosity in my mind
that overcomes me every time I touch her wanting you instead.
Your hips writhing against mine
Your breasts in my mouth
Its not right, I can feel it
and yet its your essence that comes to me in my state of arousal.
It’s you I want against my fingertips.
It’s you I want lingering on my lips.
It’s you I wait for.
For the moment you say yes…
For the moment you release all that is keeping you from fully desiring me…
For the moment you give in…
For the moment I can give in
and meet you fantasy for fantasy
completely surrendering
wanting no one else but you…
(From the archives of Natty B’s mind)
Silence flows in and around me soothing my tired mind
Thoughts of you float into my awareness
They swim languidly, effortlessly
Gently stirring my senses
My breath breathing me softly
As for a moment, I ponder what it would be like to run my fingertips
From your lips to the tips of your toes
Memorizing every inch in between
Taking generous sips of you with adoring eyes
Reveling at the phenomenal creation that you are
Retracing you again by blind touch alone
Bathing in the softness of your energy
Breathing you in
Coursing you through my veins
Breathing you out
Then breathing you in again, and again, and again…