The moment I entered the space all eyes were on me. Dressed in a playful pink coat, golden heels and a skirt that could not be seen beyond the already short enough jacket, my energy was irresistible. Instantly I felt the pressure, the command, to notice the people around me. How much they wanted my attention yet there was only one woman I was interested in and she stood directly across from me owning her space with the crowd that grew confused and wondered why they couldn’t figure ‘her’ out. I looked upon her as she stood smiling as our eyes met. She was dressed as promised in a suit of dark colors and a freshly picked purple tie which was accompanied by the strapped cock to her leg that was unavoidable to the eye and a binded chest. Needless to say, she looked amazingly hot and our energy was magnetic as I felt pulled to her as i stopped caring about the many eyes that laid upon us. I strolled right over to her with a bounce in my hips, lightly wrapping my arms around her, and then as we’ve dreamed many a time, leaned in for a kiss. Soft and quick. It was nothing like I imagined but just as well it was more than what I could have asked for. We moved to the car and quickly found ourselves making out as the windows steamed against the brutal cold outside and our hands danced along one another’s legs. We eventual made it back to her place where I found myself stripped naked as my body danced to the rhythm of her cock inside of me. Later I strolled around in my garter belt and thigh highs donned with a short orange tank that landed perfectly to accentuate my femininity. Still in heels.

The process of the weekend continued much the same and the emphasis was on sex and allowing our bodies to have it whenever we pleased whether we were out driving around, in a coffee house, waiting for my train’s departure or various spots around the house. We were hungry and eager for one another as our passion for bodily expressing ourselves flushed out of our veins and into floggers, red hands, her cock, our teeth, and the many starch marks and bruises we left behind. We dismissed any demand for modesty as the fire grew in our eyes changing from boi to girrl and our bodies rambled through who was top and bottom and at any given moment switching roles as our days together flew by swiftly.

I’ll be back with her in February and I look forward to our many days together in lust and the new things we can discover among the new tools we will both have to turn each other on.

Oh, did I forget to tell you she’s my first boi?

Well she is.

And hopefully not my last.

*wicked wicked smile*

*Image by ~THISxTRAGICxGIRL

I saw her immediately upon my entrance into the dimly lit space where us dykes could dance, flirt, and pretend the world did not exist. I could see that – thing– that has no words because is something you can only see with your eyes. Why use words anyway when it’s an energy that lays within the depth of her eyes. An energy that let’s me know that this woman with long brown hair that drapes over her shoulders and curvaceous indentions placed just right within her cheeks is not safe. This woman is trouble. She’s dangerous. She’s not nice. She’s not fare. She’s intense.

She’s a bad girl.

She’s a very bad girl.

Read the rest of this entry »

Since there has been so much recent talk about gay marriage, I thought I’d take some time to write about gay divorce. For those of you who don’t know me, I have been trying to get legally separated from my domestic partner for a little over two years now. I will tell you a little about my story and my experience with the whole situation from beginning to the (not so…) end!

I met my soon-to-be-wife while living in Washington, DC. We had an instant connection and were pretty much ”together” after our first date. I had never met anyone like her, and I truly believe that she felt the same way. Back then I was still new to the poetry scene and used to serenade her with my words. She was smart and beautiful, and felt very familiar to me.

We moved in together just after three months of dating, due to the fact that she needed a roommate and I was always there anyways. It just worked out like that. She had never lived with anyone before and was an only child. I, on the other hand, had lived with three of my previous girlfriends and was a little cautious proceeding into our living arrangement. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin our relationship due to unnecessary circumstances, although I couldn’t help but feel right about it.

We had a great group of friends and excellent careers. She worked for the Fair Labor Association and I broadcasted Major League Baseball games at the XM Satellite Radio headquarters. She spoke chinese and constantly blew me away with her brilliance. I was so proud to call her my girlfriend. We were one of those annoying couples that people hate to be around. Always extremely mushy and very in love, and we weren’t afraid to share that happiness with the world around us.

We both performed with the DC Kings, which is a popular drag king troupe in the DC metro area. On June 6th, 2005 we went to Club Chaos, where they held the monthly shows. I had no expectations other than to support my girlfriend’s performance, like I always did and vice versa. Little did I know, that night would go on to change my life.

When they called her on-stage I heard the intro to my favorite song playing, ”Joga” by Bjork. I was under the impression that she would be performing “Don’t Cha” by Pussy Cat Dolls, so I was a little confused. The lights went dim and a video began to play on all the screens in the club. She proceeding to grab my hand and pulled me on stage. I honestly still had no idea what was going on, but went with it. She was nervous, sweating like I had never seen her before. Her hands were clammy yet inviting.

“Stephanie, you have been my best friend, my family, my partner… will you be my wife?” She was now down on one knee and held out a white box with a beautiful ring inside. I said yes as tears began to roll down my face.

The next morning I called my mom to tell her my good news. There was an awkward pause then she said ‘’so… um, what does that mean?” No one took us seriously, and that was one of the hardest things to go through. Telling someone that you were proposed to is pretty self-explanatory, right?! Well, not if you are gay or a lesbian. It doesn’t make sense to people and became an everyday struggle just to be accepted as a ”normal” couple.

Months later we moved to New Jersey, right outside of Philadelphia. She was accepted at Rutgers Law School and I had a job offer to work at the top advertising agency in the area. I wasn’t too keen on living in New Jersey, but we had to actually live in-state due to her tuition for school. We found a beautiful loft in Camden, just minutes from campus and a quick subway ride across the river.

My nights consisted of cooking dinner and watching Law & Order. We had left our friends and family in back in DC and found it hard to make friends in our new city as a couple. We were content with spending all our time together, but when we could we would take weekend trips down I-95 back home for our sanity.

In September she came home from class with an overwhelming smile on her face. She had an idea. “Hey, let’s go get our domestic partnership?” I couldn’t think of any reason not to, and so we did. We drove to the Camden County court house, filled the papers and paid the $28 fee. Before we signed the last papers, the lady behind the counter asked us one more time if we were sure we wanted to do this? We both repliled, “YES!”

The next year had it’s ups and downs, but what relationship doesn’t? I loved her more as each day passed and had grew quite found of the life we shared together. She was the type who had big dreams for her wedding day. I could honestly care less, as long as the music was perfect! Planning our actual ceremony consumed our time, and I must admit, it became rather exciting. She also wanted kids and all these things that were in the works for our future. I wanted to give her whatever she wanted, and at times it became a little overwhelming.

That following September my favorite uncle died. It was the first time that I had experienced the death of a family member and it hit me pretty hard. I went to his funeral, alone, on a rainy Thursday afternoon. My father’s side of the family (who all live in Pennsylvania) were not too accepting of my relationship for two reasons; first being that I was a lesbian and did not fit into their Christian ways, and secondly because she was African-American.

That next day, we went to lunch together. She picked me up from work and we went to The Cheesecake Factory in Cherry Hill. She had planned on going down to DC to spend some time with her mother, who was going through a rough break-up. I assured her that she should go ahead and go. I thought I could benefit from the alone time and I knew how important spending time with her mother was to her. She dropped me off back at my studio, then headed down for the night.

The following week was her birthday, so that evening I utilized my time by working on my big plans for her. Our anniversary and birthday presents for each other were always very extravagant and romantic. One of our best friends had put together a lesbian cruise dinner party off the Potomac River that fell on her actual birthday, so we were planning on attending. I bought her a Tiffany’s pearl necklace and earrings set and reserved a room at one of the nicest hotels in the district, where she would receive a hot stone massage, along with appointments to get our make-up done at the MAC store in Georgetown and a limo ride to and from the event. In addition, I had ordered ten dozen roses to be placed in the room, each bouquet a different color and wrote a poem to be placed in each one. I had definitely out done myself and couldn’t wait to see the look on her face!

The next morning she returned home, and I gave her a kiss as she walked through the door. We were supposed to be going out to dinner and a movie, which was a typical Saturday evening for us. She went upstairs to go work out and I continued to get ready for our date. Her phone was sitting on the kitchen counter as I walked into the kitchen for a glass of water, and something told me to look at it. I had never done this before, but trusted my intuition at that moment. I saw a text message from a girl named Jessa, who I had never heard of before. It read, “Sorry I couldn’t see you while you were in town! Are you going to the lesbian cruise next weekend?”, then I checked her outbox and found the reply which said, “I may have to go with my ex, so I’ll let you know…”

I felt the fire raging inside of me as my heart broke into a million little pieces and fell to the floor. She came back minutes later and found me crying in the kitchen. “Baby, what’s wrong?!”

I had left her phone open to the message and her eyes began to fill up with tears as she realized what I had just discovered. She said it wasn’t what it seemed and begged for my forgiveness. I held my hand out and asked for my ring back. I knew at that moment that I had to leave her…

Three days later I moved everything out of our loft and was on the road, alone, across country in the U-haul. It was the hardest time in my life, and little did I know it would only continue to get worse. It has now been two years since I left New Jersey and we are still legally domestic partners. She went on to graduate law school and work at one of the top law firms in Philadelphia. I moved back home to Phoenix and have continued to struggle.

I was never able to gain closure and even harder than fighting for people to accept our partnership, was not having support from family and friends during the divorce. Since no one ever recognized that I was even in a normal relationship, I was never able to get the assistance it takes to go through a break-up of this kind. In some ways I have become stronger, and in others I still lack the confidence to truly move on. It has been extremely difficult to find lawyers who are willing to assist me during this separation. Especially because I now reside in Arizona, where they do not acknowledge domestic partnerships or gay marriage as legal.

To be continued…

I feel your breath in my ear and my body moves instantly to discover you. Your heat moist upon my aching skin and your energy radiating yet in my ear. Allowing my body to slide swiftly from this resolute chair, I move forward down darkened passage ways swimming on your scent alone. That warm mingling of vanilla and sweet cherries electrifies my skin causing friction—a movement—- from deep within up to my heart and back again. I see a flash of your auburn hair as you pass, smiling to yourself around a lone corner towards a dead end. I move quicker knowing that I finally have you. Yet, as my shoulder brushes that same corner I find a side table and chair idly standing still there. No sign of your smile; your scent no longer filling the air.

My body sags with a depressive tone. Do you know how long I’ve awaited you? How I’ve watch many a moon pass by under my lonely view? I drearily draw my body back to my desk and to the task at hand; the masterpiece that has been slipping from me night after night. How do you articulate into form that which one has only glimpsed but not truly seen? How do you contain a sparked passion within only a few lines? This was my complication yet I grasp my pen to begin again. Stroke by stroke shape takes from in front of my eyes. A slight curved line here and a gentle but sharp one there.

And then I feel you again but I dare not raise my eyes in fear that you’d only disappear.

As my pen moves I feel you stronger with a presence more real than I’ve felt before. I find your face talking shape with depth I fear I’ve only imagined and as the last stoke arches across giving way to my name, it is only then that I allow myself to gaze into your eyes. A deep creamy brown reflects back as the silkiness of your hair frames the beauty of your smile. Instantly I am hypnotized. I see you move and I feel myself follow with not one thought in my head but, “Yes.”. Does it bother me that you’ve not said a word or that fact that in some way I realize you may not really real?

I follow on ahead past brittled plants and old chapped plastered walls. Down misty stairways and dusty halls. At last coming to a red door in this monotone setting and gently open it to find an explosion of color surrounding me. Silky red curtains and plush golden sittings take up my view as well as a mirror longer than four of my own bodies encompassing an ornate and deeply emphasized section of the wall. As for the other wall, a bed appears to have an occupant to my great surprise. I watch as you move closer urging me onward till my knees are right at the edge. It is then everything comes around. I watch in amazement as you walk around to the other side and slowly lower yourself back into your body. I see your skin flush and fill with your color and with your own energy.

My feet planted to the floor yet and somewhere my body understands. My mind accepting and my heart still yearning. In an instant I find myself standing solidly staring back into my own eyes from in front of this overwhelming mirror. Your form behind me. Before I can begin to comprehend the sudden lapse in time and space, I feel your hand on my side, cooing me and creating calm. I look back at your reflection in the mirror and am stunned by your beauty that glows brightly from within. A warm sigh escapes my lips as your body moves against mine. I feel your pulse strong against my back side as tears begin to brim over from my eyes. You pull me closer still. I feel your lips at the back of my neck and my eyes concede to closing. When I open them I find myself on my back sinking into the bed but it is you that I do not see.

Yet just as quickly as my body moves to rise, it is your voice I hear in my ear. Even through words aren’t uttered the vibration alone thrills me sending my body into gentle convulsions. I feel your hands urge my eyes closed and as I do so I instantly feel you upon me. With my hands glued to my side, I feel you everywhere as my body hardens and swells for your touch. At first upon my breasts taking both within your grasp and enveloping them within your lips. Then dripping your touch down my body biting my sides till you have me convulsing at the slighted blow on that skin. Spreading me as you allow yourself to fill me; your tongue sliding up and down my clit. Taking it within your teeth as your tongue flicks at the tip. I am all sensation now swimming in your immaculate touch; my wetness spilling out from within. Then I feel you move sooner than I can plead, “more” and you are everywhere all at once. I feel you at the base of my foot taking hold and riding up my legs. I feel the pressure of you striking every hair that is standing on end. I feel you as if you were melting right into me. Your smoothness licking every bit of my skin and my moans are escapable freeing themselves at once as my body shudders bellow you.

I hear you from with inside of me urging me, pleading me, needing me to let go; to release and scream out in passion. You play pictures on the inside of my eyelids for me to see enhancing my already overloading senses. I watch as you spread yourself wide for me with your hand at your clit waiting for me to delve in to your wetness. You laid flat on your stomach with your ass lightly reaching for the air wanting to feel me against your backside. You screaming out as my fingers fill you, fisting you as an orgasm run waves over your shuddering body. This last image finishes me and I hold on to it as my own orgasm breaks forth with sounds of ecstasy. I lie panting as I open my eyes and see not a form but energy moving all around me. I watch as it moves to my right and back where it calls home. With a gasp your eyes open to mine and a smile lights up your face. I reach over this time initiating a new touch and pull you toward me wrapping you in my arms. All the questions I have instantly fly from my mind as your body turns and curves into mine. I breathe in your scent as my eyes close on the encroaching dawn.

When I awaken I find myself at a desk laying face down on my incomplete scribbles called work. For a moment I wonder if it was a mad trick played on my mind or if she might have been real. It’s then that I see, on the edge of my paper, a name in unfamiliar writing bellow my own.

Sara Walkins

It’s then that I hear the wind moving down the hallways and a curtain playfully flapping in the breeze against the tired brick walls. The warm scent of vanilla and sweet cherries fills the room and I rise abandoning my ‘masterpiece’ and on to live it instead.

I know it sounds crazy right? I mean, is it really possible for two women to have what would be deemed a “healthy” relationship? After years of failing miserably, I have began to wonder about that very same question. I would consider myself a pretty emotionally intelligent person. I’m great at communicating, always honest, and only slightly afraid of intimacy. So what the hell is the matter with me? I’m realizing now that I’m reading this book, that the same thing is wrong with me that is wrong with every woman who had to learn how to love on their own. What is love anyway? What is a “normal” relationship? Do they exist? If they do, how to we go about making it work for us? All of these questions are floating around the minds of millions of women everywhere. Thanks to Dr. Clunis and Green, we don’t have to wonder anymore.

I had bought this book several weeks, if not months ago. I had attempted to read it once or twice but was always pulled away. In light of my most recent failure, I thought perhaps it was time to really examine myself in relationships. I needed to understand something that hadn’t been taught to me in my dysfunctional upbringing. I am now in a position where I refuse to continue the insanity of creating the same kinds of situations over and over again. I am ready to be whole on my own and not expect another to make up for my inadequacies. Though this amazing journey I have begun is still tempered by mourning and loneliness, it is more often filled with the joys of freedom. I know now that I have the right to choose a different way than I experienced growing up. I know now that I have the right to choose a different way than my most recent experience. I also know now that if I look for the answers, they will find me.

I’m not quite yet half-way through this book and I already highly recommend it. If you want to choose sanity and peace over insanity and turmoil, if you want to choose love and acceptance over insecurities and emotional violence, if you want to choose to finally have the kind of relationship you always imagined you could have, read this book.

Seriously, for less than the cost of two lattes at Starbucks you can be on your way to girl on girl relationship bliss. Now doesn’t that sound better than all of the drama? You bet it does!

For more information, or to order a copy:

Buy now @ Amazon.com

Amazon.com Review
Surely there are couples who don’t need books like this: blessed as they are with flawless unions, enduring passion, and equitable chore distributions, with never a sharp word, a demanding ex-lover, or a roving eye. The rest of us can consult Clunis and Green every 45 minutes. With sections on building intimacy, making decisions, communicating, and addressing issues of race and age difference, among other topics, Lesbian Couples at least touches on most of the conflicts that a lesbian couple will face (a list of resources at the back will help readers pursue specific interests). The chapter on conflict resolution is exceptional, but the chapter on sex seems brief and perfunctory by comparison, perhaps because it has been written about so extensively elsewhere. This major revision of a lesbian self-help classic may be illuminating not only for couples but also for single women hoping to build the qualities needed for successful relationships, especially in the wake of a break-up. –Regina Marler