I have come to the conclusion that

you are absolutely ridiculous.

Or at least blind.

Do you have any idea how many would have killed to be in your place?

Do you have any idea how many still wish they could be you for just a moment?

To know what it feels like to have my love showered upon them?

To have been given the opportunity to experience what I have offered you?

To feel for a moment the possibility of what you and I could have had?

It is the thing that little girls dream of.

It is the thing that fairy tales are made of.

True magic.

Real love.

Pure love.

Passionate peaceful free to be who you are love.

Ego? Oh no my darling. Truth. You already know this.

That’s what makes me so crazy.

Go ahead.

Keep trying to make something that isn’t quite right right.

It will fall apart, guaranteed.

And I will be long gone.

One day you will realize the games that you have played

have only hurt yourself.

You whom I thought so worthy, turned out to be so much less than that.

Not by nature of who you are

but who you refuse to be.

Frightened, scared?

Who knows. Only you know those answers.

I have to admit, I am angry.

I cannot lie about that.

You asked for me.

You wanted me.

It was you all along.

Yet, you put the blame on me.

Pretended it wasn’t what you needed, or what you aspire to.

Tried to have me and her.

All at your convenience.

Playing me like I was stupid.

Friends? We could never be friends.

Not now at least.

I am not as good as you are at

ignoring what I feel.

Either you lied to me in the beginning

or you are lying to yourself now.

At worst you just wanted me to want you.

The trophy that so many covet.

Using me for my light.

The ultimate ego boost.

I’m gorgeous and phenomenal

duly noted.

There shouldn’t be any more left to say.

There shouldn’t be anything else left to want.

You don’t feel like you ever mislead me or was flirtatious?

Oh no darling, it was so much deeper than that.

On a level perceptible to everyone but you.

Countless people perceive our connection, even now.

Complete strangers angel who have no idea we have even shared the

same space or spent so much time believe you and I should be together.

Do you have any idea what that does to my heart to hear that?

The absolute randomness.

It’s like a knife driven inside an already open wound.

Maybe I’m crazy.

But I know that is entirely not possible.

I know that I will not walk on eggshells around you anymore.

I have chosen to speak my truth.

I have chosen to acknowledge what intuition

has screamed at me from the first moment

we breathed the same breath.

You portrayed yourself to be something you are not.

I fell for your games.

But I see clearly now.

You lack the courage like so many others

to live a life of truth.

So wrapped up in your games you can’t even remember

which ones you are playing.

Mistaking lies for truth and truth for lies.

You say one thing.

Oh but your actions speak so much louder.

I know your hidden gifts.

You come to me in my dreams.

But in reality, you’ve never felt worthy.

You ran away.

Chose something easy and “safe”

but ultimately unfulfilling.

Lacking true depth and connection.

She doesn’t know you like I know you.

Otherwise you wouldn’t need me at all.

You wouldn’t have wanted to be “cool friends”

You wouldn’t have wanted me so close to you for the holidays.

Or you just used me to fill a space?

Or you were hoping to create a “relationship” in a safe space

within the context of the required “we’re just friends zone”?

An illusion that you have created

will inevitably dissolve and what will you have left?

Opportunities like this do not last long.

They are presented for but an instant.

Angels come and go in a blink of an eye.

We must be ready for them when they come.

They are sent to us because we ask for them

but it is ultimately our free will to accept the gift or not.

I pity you actually.

Just like I have all of the others.

And all the others regret their decisions

but it was too late for them.

They realized too late.

You lost the one thing you’ve ever truly wanted.

And the worst part is I don’t think you even realize it.

Or you choose not to admit it.

You wouldn’t be the first.

But you will be the last.

And all I’ve ever wanted was for you

to speak the truth.

The real truth.

But maybe you have not yet spoken it to yourself.

Perhaps one day you can open up and tell me your version of this

sorted tale.

All I have is my side of the story.

My perceptions.

My interpretations.

I just hope it doesn’t take years like all of the others.

I have a body, yes.

It longs for all variety of sensations.

Leather draped along my skin resting momentarily over parched plumb skin raised from tenacious titillations. The feel of your hand as it glides across my neck and then the softness of your kiss where it has gently been replaced. The cream of pink lipstick glazed across my lips accentuating a smile that arches forth and into your eyes. Tempting to switch.

It craves the vibration of your laughter as it runs through me bubbling just under my skin. It craves the moistness steaming from my pours as I shudder once and then again by the palm of your hand so excellently executed. It craves the solitude of your silences as your hands get to know the messages emblazed on my skin that until now have been kept secret as I grant permission for you to continue your curious progression.

I have a body, yes.

It needs.

Yes it’s better to say my body needs.

Yet, I have a soul as well.

Its beauty and strength are not always easy to see behind this golden skin and deeply defined femme sophistication yet it needs to be seen outside of the body always.

It longs for eyes that penetrate one another’s passing through facades and to a place where wordlessness reins supreme. It longs for deviations of behavior where innocence screams forward and genuine laughter is induced as we fall curling into one another on the living room floor. It longs to see in your eyes that this femme is something special in your life.

It craves the intensity of each and every moment pulling from it all of its greatness, joy, and sorrow. It craves the exhilaration of seeing your smile and the nod to the effort you’ve made to show me you have had me on your mind. More than anything, it craves to know that it belongs.

My soul, needs to know it is not alone.

Who am I writing this for? I’m not sure although a few come to mind. I know that who ever she is she exists somewhere out there in the world and she hears my calls. She may even live just across the hall or she may be sitting right in front of me everyday. Yet, she will understand my wants. My needs. My desires. She will understand I need her to give back to my body, to my spirit, and to my mind as I have given unto hers in equal matter. She will understand this because through my words I will make sure that it is so.

There have been many suitors that have come playing a game that sent me in a spell of confusion not knowing what their true interest was with me. It’s common that many come to just use me. There have been others yet, that it seemed one party wanted more while the other wanted less. I have played both ends of this tortuous game. And then there are some I want to see me for more than just my body because there is a wonderful soul inside. I see their spirit so clearly and wish that they could see mine.

Yes, I have a body. It has wants and needs.

But I have a soul as well.

Let it know it’s not alone….

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Photo by Connalee

You can pretend only to a point. Truth always triumphs. Better to just recognize truth for truth from the start.