Dear crackhead upstairs neighbor,

It really saddens me that you are up from 11:30pm to 6:30 am EVERYNIGHT stomping around and banging into furniture and such. And it amazes me that even though you don’t sleep at night, you are still up at 2 in the afternoon vaccuming. I really wish I had that kind of spunk you know. I’m slightly jealous of your enthusiasm for early afternoon cleaning.

That day I was trying to take a nap because you kept me awake all night and I heard the scratching noises coming from inside your closet was really awesome. What’s even awesomer is that if you are not up at the time you usually are, I kinda get worried that you might have od’ed or something. Its nice to not have you stomping around like bigfoot, but I can’t sleep because I think something might be wrong with you. Then I hear you again and I feel much better. You’re still fucking loud as hell, but at least your are alive. How fucked up is that!?

I care about you crackhead neighbor even though I never hear you come in and I never hear you leave. Its great that I feel completely insane for lack of sleep for the last 6months. I could almost be an honorary crack head too. That’s really a great gift you have given me crackhead neighbor. I wonder what you look like crack head neighbor. I’m gonna miss you when I’m gone. We’ve had some great times you and I. Take care crackhead neighbor. Its bittersweet, but I think I’ll be just fine without you.

Love your devoted downstairs neighbor,

Natty B.